Of course Kevin and I have been racing quite a lot. This includes the MSC as well as a few local Summit Mountain Challenges and the Pro XC Cup in Colorado Springs.
Kevin has been doing excellent- his first year in the Pro Elite field.
I, however, am not. I can't really express my feelings for what has been happening, but the only thing I can say is that coaching is the biggest difference in the world. Last year I thought it was a little rough because my coaches wern't really there for me 100% but looking back it was so much better than this year. Having to train on my own is so difficult, but I have no other choice. Kevin took charge of coaching me, but as helpful as it could be, I can't go out alone and do efforts. I try, I really do. It just doesn't seem to be enough. Showing up at the numerous races I always have a little hope, a little spark inside me that thinks I may in fact be able to keep up. As soon as the race starts my flame goes out... I just can't compete with these girls. It destroys my mentality to go through the races, and well really I've only been able to finish three this year (two of which were short track). Sure injury and mechanicals come into play, but even so I am miles behind my friends. The only thing keeping me going at this point is the fact that these girls are my friends. I do not spend time with anyone outside of cycling. The girls and guys I race with are the only people that matter anymore, the only thing keeping me going. I just wish there were some way I could once again race alongside them, instead of in the back. It was my goal this year to make it to worlds- a goal which would require winning nationals. I have long since given up on this hope. Reality has settled in and I have to face the facts. I ride because I love it, and the racing is my dream... this year has been, and I'm sure will continue to be the hardest ever.
The pressure I put on myself is too big to imagine so I hope I will live up to it by the end of this year. If anyone needs a riding buddy I'm always free-
Love Megs
